Freshen Up, Heart Up

Deep cold has come early this winter.  
As I start to write this morning, it's  –3ºF (–19ºC). 

It won't be light for another hour. At least the snow cover will brighten the day.

I. Heart Up

I have to screw up my courage and get out my warmest clothes to go outside, these first cold days.
I'm off work today, and I (probably) will bundle up and go downtown to see the Rev. Marianne Budde––the Episcopal bishop of Washington DC who'd asked Trump to show mercy in her inauguration-day sermon. 
Budde used to live here, and she is speaking at the noontime Town Hall Forum. 

It's a few-blocks walk to the bus that goes directly to the forum. 
I'm reluctant to go outside, but I know I'd get a lift out of seeing Budde, like I did seeing Sharon Day, the Ojibwe leader of the Water Walks.

Gotta try to keep the heart up!
_________________________

I'm doing a little online housekeeping this early morning. 
Like, I just cancelled the auto-renew of my CostCo membership. 

I get downhearted at CostCo, seeing people wheeling giant carts with plastic bottles of water bundled by the dozens in plastic across the giant parking lot of the giant warehouse.

The shoppers themselves aren't necessarily giant. 
Have you started to notice Americans getting smaller?

I have. At my workplace, three men have each lost around 100 lbs! Two used Ozempic,  one quit drinking alcohol.  
I wonder how these weight-loss drugs will change us overall, in subtle ways. We'll have to wait and see.

II. Fresh Baby 

A cheering sight:
Mr Jester Mushroom modeling pink fabric, so I could photograph it for my sister. 
Yesterday she'd asked me to keep an eye out for a piece of pink fabric big enough to back the baby quilt she's making.
And, in the magic of thrift, I unpacked one that very afternoon.

"I'll be the baby," Jester said.

(I'm proud of Sister--she choosing this quilt's colors herself! She's right, she's not great at it, but I really like that this quilt won't look like it's from a kit. I’ll post a photo when she's done.)

Jester has become my main work friend. He is goofy and kind, and he brightens my day so much. (Mr Furniture is mostly at the warehouse or driving the truck these days, and I don't see him much.)

And he's inspiring: a few years ago, he made big life changes, pulling himself out of a lifestyle hole. It's like one of the prehistoric animals DID escape a tar pit. (Surely sometimes one did manage to?)

Gradually so much good has come from the changes he made--he's quite a different person. Well, no, he's the same person, but he's so much lighter and brighter. 
Freshened up!

I'm not against weight-loss drugs--it's so hard to stay upright in this tilt-a-world, if drugs help, that's a valid option.
But it's inspiring to me that he didn't use them.

No matter what, the inner work of being human remains.Nice to see people doing it bravely.

III. Back in Balance

Yesterday I was returned to myself at work.
I kept feeling like the Universe was sending me person after person to remind me of who I am, having been knocked off my moorings.

A regular customer I know making me mittens; 
another telling me she was looking into going to church because she has been so inspired over the years by OUR STORE (I didn't tell her church has little to do with it--because, in fact, faith (in many flavors) does);
a customer I didn't recognize flat-out telling me, "You are kind, you are a big help here".
Customers doing things like that for me, and coworkers too, like Esmeralda pricing my earmuffs "free".

I saw it, I appreciated it, but still I felt adrift--mostly because of Big Boss and his Christian cronies' faux–thank you dinner.

Then, late in the day yesterday, I was shelving Christmas stuff (endless!), and a man with a big backpack came in and asked me if we gave away free tents. It looked like he was unhoused, I guessed, and needed a tent to sleep outdoors. This isn’t uncommon, but usually in warmer months.

I said--assuming, without checking--that we didn't have any, and turned to Big Boss who was nearby to ask who might give tents away.
He told the guy a place to go, 
but added that they wouldn't be open at that time.

The guy left, and I thought,
I should just check if we have any tents.

We did.

I grabbed an intact-looking one in a carrying bag, priced $8.99, and hurried outside after the guy, where again it so-happened Big Boss was nearby, standing in the cold talking to a customer on their way to their car.

The guy with the backpack was already to the corner.
I called, but he didn't hear.
Feeling desperate, I turned to Big Boss:
"I can't RUN," I said, gesturing to my still-vulnerable knee. "Help!"

Big Boss let out a piercing whistle, and the guy turned to look. I flagged him back, holding up the tent.

"What kind of tent did you want?" I asked when he got near.

"Any kind," he said.

"Well, take this one, it looks pretty good." 
I showed him the tent poles (sometimes they are lost). "Are you sleeping out tonight?"

He said he was, took the tent, and thanked me.

 "Take care." What can you say?

Yeah, so, as you can see above, temps fell below zero last night.
There are people who DO know how to take care and live outdoors here, year round.
 I hope he is one of them. 
(Lots of people avoid the shelters, and there aren't enough beds anyway.)

Going back inside, I asked Big Boss if the tent was a gift from the store, or if I should pay for it.

"Ask Manageress," he said.

I TRY not to express disdain for Big Boss to his face, because it's not helpful, but I did roll my eyes at that. He could have made the call.

Technically Manageress is the store manager, while BB is Exec. Director of the Society that oversees it and the parish charitable groups. 
When it comes to things like buying shopping baskets, however, he still (micro-) manages our store.
When it came to this, he passed the buck. 

So I asked Manageress, and she said no, I can't give things away. People have to bring in a Voucher to get free things. (The Vouchers are dispensed three mornings a week, across town.)
I would have to pay for the tent. 

Fine, I am perfectly willing to pay 9 bucks for a tent. 
I've bought people stuff they needed before--(or, honestly more often, given things to them on the low down).

But it was that misfire—Big Boss's deferment to Manageress, and her decree--that set me to rights. 

I don't need to judge these two people.  They have their own reasons––(they both come from harsh backgrounds)––and I know they do their own kind of good. 

I have seen it. And often I have failed to do so, crossed the street, gone into the back room to avoid someone inconvenient.
I am not better than them.

But that they would turn away someone who needed a free tent--the most flimsy of shelters? And then charge me for it? It’s not like there was no room at the inn. The store could afford to give away a donated tent. (And who buys them in winter anyway?)

The thing is, Why have I ever given these people any power over me and my mood?

Well, I am not anymore. They are not the boss of me.

Writing that, I feel refreshed. 
I am going to go out into the cold to hear Marianne Budde in a few hours. I want to be in the presence of someone of courageous faith.