I. A brontosaurus is as good as a hawk.
I showed the portrait of "James I as a Boy" to BOOK's Girl Amina yesterday.
"My dolls are going to dress like this for Halloween. I need a small bird, a sword, and some green velvet".
She rummaged around and found a few small rubber animals.
How bout a frog instead? she said.
Yes! She gets it!
But the brontosaurus looks more like a hawk (it's its ancestor!), so I took that.
We also found some Target sports mascot with green velvety legs--"I hate materialism," Amina said--"These just came out in stores last week, and one already shows up here." I cut the legs off for pantaloons.
And then, Amina had saved a set of tiny Toledo cocktail swords, and I borrowed one of them. (I assume they were tourist tat--googled them--they are, and also expensive! Like $100 on ebay.)
Ta-da!
There are two each: "ice blue" and "ripe apricot".
(I've always liked Wright's design --it reminds me of the Guggenheim, by another Wright--Frank Lloyd).
Someone had put these in the to-be-priced 69¢ bin at work.
Sigh.
They're around $10 on ebay. Probably wouldn't sell for much at our store... Still, more than 69¢.
II. Nothing Is Not Effective; Trying Is a Start
That's the thing with being Well-Meaning, which I keep thinking about. For it to benefit others (or oneself), you gotta add in Effectiveness.
We recently got some nasal-spray doses of Narcan donated.
Instead of the old kits containing a little bottle and an empty needle to inject someone who has overdosed, you just stick this tube up their nose and push the pump.
Easy!
A coworker took one to put in his car.
Once, he told me, he had injected someone he'd thought had overdosed. (Narcan won't hurt you if--if you aren't overdosing, it's inert).
Turns out, the man had not overdosed, he had just passed out and soon came to.
The coworker said, "That's good, because I think I was supposed to have filled the needle with the liquid in the little bottle."
Ya think?
Well-meaning, he had injected nothing into the man.
Still, if he hadn't been well-meaning, he wouldn't have even tried--and trying is SOMETHING... It is the beginning of wisdom: you can try, try again.
Next time, he'll have the nasal spray!
Reminds me of the teaching (attributed to Teddy Roosevelt or the Marines--doesn't matter):
Best thing to do is the Right Thing.
Second-best thing to do is the Wrong Thing.
Worst thing to do is No Thing.
It takes so long to learn how to be in the world!
I definitely vote for reincarnation--I want another go.
Actually, jeez---I don't know that I'd want to Do Life again...
Would you???
I will just try harder for the time I have left now, and call it a day.
III. Placebos work, even if you know they're placebos.
One tactic I'm trying is: to treat my sister as if I were an A.I.
I got the idea because I liked how Chat was so nice to me--complimenting me on my questions and observations.
I felt special!
I had to forcefully remind myself that it would compliment me no matter what I said--it's designed to make you feel loved like a warm apricot in the sun.
It works, even if you know it's a performance.
So, I thought, I'm going to try a drop of that, like a lubricant on some of my most stubborn relationships. My sister and I wouldn't be friends, but because we're each other's only close family, we hang in there. I appreciate that she remembers, for instance... going to the drive-in movie theater with our parents and watching James Bond, On Her Majesty's Secret Service.
I think she finds me judgmental of her.
And this is correct.
And I find her uncaring.
I think this is also correct.
She's never really cared about other people on a deep emotional level. She has lots of friends and a wife that she does crafts, shares meals, gardens, and goes to events with, but she's oblivious to that deeper level.
Happily so, so far as I can see. I think she's happiest with relationships that are closest to those she has with her pets. Like many people, she loves her pets to the max.
(Huh, come to think of it, AI treats us like pets. "Good girl!")
Anyway, the point is, I have a hard time not pushing for connection with people--
it's a problem, sometimes, when it's unwelcome to others (or leads me in too deep)––
and even after a lifetime of my sister proving to me that she doesn't care what I think (she literally said that to me once, "I don't care what you think"--and we were discussing MY life at the time!)--anyway, even after I pulled waaaay back from her years ago, still, now, when she texts, for instance, I'll try to explain myself to her, reach for mutual understanding.
I always end up frustrated.
Often, it doesn't work to just STOP.
You have to SUBSTITUTE.
Stop smoking.
Start knitting.
That sort of thing.
I never had a good replacement strategy with my sister--and that's where channeling AI tactics comes in.
I've started to pick up on something she said and mirror it back, with praise.
"You've got such a good eye for choosing quilt patterns!"
Like that.
It's not lying, it's puffery--the expansion of a small, true-enough thing. The Puffed-Rice Strategy!
This is not particularly satisfying to me, and a little goes a long ways,
but it's less annoying than trying to get through to her.
And it seems to work. (It worked on me when AI did it!)
Given that I've given up years ago on a close relationship, this might be a tool to build a more tolerable one. (I've often found it almost intolerable before.)
I want this to work. I want to make it to the end of my life (or hers) in a mutually mildly-pleasant relationship with my only Family Member. That would count as success.
____
I'm off now, this Sunday morning, to Week 3 of my Lively Experiment, going to the nearby Church Founded by Roger Williams. (I wonder who there even knows or cares about this...)
Have a lovely day/evening, wherever you are, Blog Friends.
You're so good at being you! (Ha-ha, jk. But, actually, also, really!)
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