Clearing Up Loose Ends

I. Explaining the End of a Friendship

This morning I wrote a note (on paper) to an old friend, Lib, whom I'd disappeared on several years ago.
I'd thought that what she'd done--something pretty egregious that had upset me to the point of having a nightmare--was perfectly clear and needed no explanation, so I just went away.

Afterward, she'd contacted me twice asking what she'd done wrong. Clearly the problem wasn't perfectly clear to her.
Now, this was a friend of twenty years. Lib never called herself neurodivergent, but I knew she wasn't good at interpreting other people's motivations––she was terrible, in fact, in ways that led to other broken relationships, which always mystified her too.

But I didn't reply to her because I was hurt and angry, and I thought this time the reason SHOULD be clear. To be honest, I was so hurt & angry, I was willing to let her suffer.

What changed was that a different old friend, Allegra, contacted me this fall and told me she thinks she, Allegra, is on the autism spectrum (she called it Asperger's). (I'd blogged about it.)
I'd ended my acquaintance with Allegra (never a full friendship, in my mind)--and I'd also thought it was obvious why. I'd even written her a note with an allusion to why, which I'd thought was sufficient.

But, no. Before she talked about autism, Allegra told me she was hurt and baffled as to why I'd ended "our long friendship".
I realized that she and I saw our entire history differently.

After seeing Allegra, I read more about neuro-types & friendship, and I found articles describing exactly what I'd done:
I, a neurotypical (NT) person, EXPECTED the neurodivergent (ND) friend to know what they'd done to upset me, but I hadn't told them, or not in ways they could hear.

 [googles] I just found this article again, by The Articulate Autistic:
"The Biggest Mistake You Can Make with an Autistic Person Is to Assume We Know What We Did Wrong".

So, I wrote and apologized to Lib for not being clear years ago. (I didn't mention neurotypes because I don't know where she is with that, and anyway, it doesn't matter:
A friend who ends a friendship (me, in this case) should be clear and fair. I wasn't, and I apologized.

I would be happy to let this be the end of it, but I also said she could write back if she wanted, but that I didn't need it.
I'm open if she needs/wants to.

II. Clearing Up Loose Ends

Why did I do that this morning?

Well, besides me thinking about autism because I might work in the field (obviously I need to know more!), I think the timing it's connected to me wanting to leave my job at the thrift store--whenever I do--with clarity, with my eyes open, with things sorted.
Literally sorted.

All this week I've been sorting piles of fun stuff I'd set aside to look up because it's expensive, or to bag up because it's fragile, or just to keep around because I like looking at it.
I'm deciding if I want to take some of it home, or put it out for sale.

This is SO FUN, so very very enjoyable, it made me question my decision to find another job.
Would I stay at the store if they paid me a good chunk more than minimum wage ($15 by law in my city)?
Maaaybe... ?
I mean, I'd still feel done there, and even a little... bored... And there's still the infuriating management.

But it is a factor that I'm getting old, I don't have much savings, and my social security is going to be minimum:
It makes all the sense in the world to earn more money for the next seven years (until I'm 70). I think teacher's aides start at $20 or more--plus great benefits (even dental!).

If the store would pay closer that?
This is a moot point. They pay the least. They do the least.

Most I'm putting the saved books and paper ephemera out for sale. Because we got rid of the glass display case where I used to put expensive books, I'm pricing them rather inexpensively and taking my chances that with those cheap prices, people won't take the price-stickers off in order to get them for the baseline prices.
(Books without price-stickers are 99 cents for paperbacks and $1.99 for hardbacks.)

But, I decided I don't really care.
If someone loves a book and steals it, fine.
I don't like when books are stolen to be resold, but the truth is, I usually don't know what the person's motivation is. (Sometimes I do because I recognize the resellers, but honestly, they don't usually remove or swap stickers--or not that I've caught them at. It's not in their self-interest? or they're just nice? I don't know.)

These are most of what was on display at the end of yesterday:

As always, I also set aside books I know friends or certain customers will want. (Kirsten--I have a pile of pamphlets for you.)

Below--Candy Cook Book for a friend who works in handmade chocolates; Songs from Alice for a friend who collects Alice in Wonderland stuff;
Goodnight Moon in Spanish for a coworker who just became a grandmother to a baby whose father is Hispanic;
and a book with cool illustrations for Em.

xx