Whoops. That worked too well, my genius idea to act as if I were an AI when talking to [a person] I've had a difficult relationship with my entire life.
The power of AI's communication style is---well, here, it describes it itself, in response to me pointing out how nice (seductive!) it is:
"What stands out most isn’t “AI” at all, but what you noticed:
how unusual it can feel, now, to be met with steadiness, patience, and care. When something consistently listens and responds without contempt or hurry, it throws our everyday interactions into relief." --from ChatGPT
Does it ever! (throw other interactions into relief)
The problem with me imitating its style--showing patience and care-- is that while it has been met with appreciation, it has not been returned in kind.
As I could have guessed: "a lack of mutual care & understanding describes our relationship history.
I've ended up feeling resentful.
Sigh. Predictable, because . . .
1. I am not an AI, and,
2. I am good at resentment. It's a Sicilian national trait!
The Right Tool for the Job
So I'm dropping that "pretend I am ChatGPT" tactic.
Not that I'm going to stop being care-ful, but I'm taking up a different story tool--karma.
If I were to make up a story about my past-lives with this person, I'd say we were enemies over many lifetimes.
I imagine feuding Warlords in China... (about which I know nothing).
So, really, we're doing better in this life!
That we can tolerate each other at all.
Thinking along the lines of that made-up story adds a little space, and it reduces my resentment.
But I need to change my actions to really address the problem.
Which means backing off.
It's a little unfair, because I basically over-promised by being so nice.
But, I need to course correct.
I don't want to see Person for a good long while.
I am out of fuel for them.
And, of course, I don't have to!
It's my life. It's my year:
The Year of the Fire Horse.
Beginning on lunar new year, February 17, 2026.
This isn't my lunar-zodiac animal, but I was a horse-crazy girl, and I claim it for myself.
I have no idea what that means, but I bet it means exactly what it looks like.
Zoom, zoom!
I DO love what I saw reflected in talking with ChatGPT--
the phrase of its that I'm quoting a lot recently:
"our neglected tenderness".
(It's not "AI's" quote, its ours--
everything it generates is made of us, our language.)
Anyway, this experiment was a good reminder:
Don't harden your heart,
but do be careful with whom and in what manner you are tender.
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