UPDATE: Michael's rewritten signs are here, and mine are in the comments to this post:
https://mleddy.blogspot.com/2019/01/how-to-improve-writing-no-79.html
1. This old sign, below, hand-painted on a shop window near my bus stop, is easy to understand.
Hm. It's clear to me, that is, but it does use regional language: this part of the USA calls a sweet carbonated drink "pop". (Here's a map of Pop vs. Soda.)
And chips are not French fries.
I love the bullet points.
(Only if I think about it is this ^ list funny: Are these the ingredients of a healthy diet?)
2. I knew at a glance what this sign, below, was trying to say, given the word "syringe" and context: it's mounted in a bathroom stall.
It's at the Mia Art Museum (a few blocks from my house, the other direction from the Groceries store), which explains the language.
An attempt at gentility?
"The management is sure you are administering medicine, not shooting up."
But if I didn't already know what the sign meant, it'd take a little work to figure out the language.
☛ Anyone want to rewrite this sign (and the one below it) for clarity?
(It would be a good candidate for Michael of Orange Crate Art's How to Improve Writing series.)
3. This wall sign is at the top of a flight of stairs leading to a new (2018), state-of-the-art YMCA.
Again, I know what they're trying to say (I think...), but in this case, if I didn't already know--say, I was an alien, or simply an Earthling who is not a native English speaker––would I be able to figure this out?
I'm guessing some committee was trying to adapt the cliché "to strive relentlessly" to fit the nonprofit YM's mission and came up with "to serve relentlessly".
I don't think it works very well, and the tense is off, anyway.
I just joined this YMCA, (because my p.t., Captain Doctor, told me to join a gym if I want an active old age), and, signs aside, it's fabulous!
There's a wind-chill advisory today. Right now, at midday, the cold wind makes 4°F feel like -18 (-7ºC). But I'm warm because I just had a swim and a whirlpool, and now I'm sitting in a coffeeshop in the atrium of the building that houses the Y.
That's the sign for the new YMCA, hanging to the right.
The walkways above, with white metal railings, are part of the Y itself--you can see people in workout clothes.
Many people are walking around without coats because we're in a hamster trail called the Skyway that connects buildings in central downtown.
So, yeah, the YM is fabulous––friendly, clean (no mildew!), and warm. I'm encouraged to try, try AGAIN to get and stay in better shape. My job has made me stronger, but it also reminds me of a car junkyard: lots of crunching and flattening going on, and no yoga at all.
But the YM's names and signs! Some are just funny, but others are annoying in their lack of usefulness. Exercise rooms are named for concepts, not location. How do I find the Fitscape, Harmony, Powerhouse "studio spaces" where I can enjoy a "fitness experience"?
Perhaps if I can find the Equity Innovation Center, they could tell me.
After all, this sign is elegant and perfectly clear:
https://mleddy.blogspot.com/2019/01/how-to-improve-writing-no-79.html
1. This old sign, below, hand-painted on a shop window near my bus stop, is easy to understand.
Hm. It's clear to me, that is, but it does use regional language: this part of the USA calls a sweet carbonated drink "pop". (Here's a map of Pop vs. Soda.)
And chips are not French fries.
I love the bullet points.
(Only if I think about it is this ^ list funny: Are these the ingredients of a healthy diet?)
2. I knew at a glance what this sign, below, was trying to say, given the word "syringe" and context: it's mounted in a bathroom stall.
It's at the Mia Art Museum (a few blocks from my house, the other direction from the Groceries store), which explains the language.
An attempt at gentility?
"The management is sure you are administering medicine, not shooting up."
But if I didn't already know what the sign meant, it'd take a little work to figure out the language.
☛ Anyone want to rewrite this sign (and the one below it) for clarity?
(It would be a good candidate for Michael of Orange Crate Art's How to Improve Writing series.)
3. This wall sign is at the top of a flight of stairs leading to a new (2018), state-of-the-art YMCA.
Again, I know what they're trying to say (I think...), but in this case, if I didn't already know--say, I was an alien, or simply an Earthling who is not a native English speaker––would I be able to figure this out?
I'm guessing some committee was trying to adapt the cliché "to strive relentlessly" to fit the nonprofit YM's mission and came up with "to serve relentlessly".
I don't think it works very well, and the tense is off, anyway.
I just joined this YMCA, (because my p.t., Captain Doctor, told me to join a gym if I want an active old age), and, signs aside, it's fabulous!
There's a wind-chill advisory today. Right now, at midday, the cold wind makes 4°F feel like -18 (-7ºC). But I'm warm because I just had a swim and a whirlpool, and now I'm sitting in a coffeeshop in the atrium of the building that houses the Y.
That's the sign for the new YMCA, hanging to the right.
The walkways above, with white metal railings, are part of the Y itself--you can see people in workout clothes.
So, yeah, the YM is fabulous––friendly, clean (no mildew!), and warm. I'm encouraged to try, try AGAIN to get and stay in better shape. My job has made me stronger, but it also reminds me of a car junkyard: lots of crunching and flattening going on, and no yoga at all.
But the YM's names and signs! Some are just funny, but others are annoying in their lack of usefulness. Exercise rooms are named for concepts, not location. How do I find the Fitscape, Harmony, Powerhouse "studio spaces" where I can enjoy a "fitness experience"?
Perhaps if I can find the Equity Innovation Center, they could tell me.
P.S. I'm not saying that clearer is always better,
or that language has gotten worse (or better).
Clarity is not a moral issue, in and of itself.
Clarity is not a moral issue, in and of itself.
After all, this sign is elegant and perfectly clear:
