Well, my friends, I tell ya, I'm feeling a little shaky this Saturday morning.
As the ICE occupation of my city and state goes on and on--
I remember the first big raid near my workplace before Christmas-- having come here from Chicago, LA, Portland, etc.
...and as it spreads to other places––(Maine, now)––
my very cells feel jangled.
I. ICE Out Strike and Rally
Yesterday, I did not brave the subzero cold and go to the rally downtown, but thousands did--as many as 50,000.
Imagine how many more of us there'd've been if it'd been above zero!
I was afraid of literally freezing my toes, of I'd have gone.
A friend who went pooh-poohed the weather:
"Negative fifteen? Good skating weather!"
I love that Midwestern attitude.
There was a sit-in at City Hall in Duluth. Marz said she'd made a protest sign on a snow shovel.
A pal from work sent me this poster from the rally--you remember the Morton salt girl?
(She's carrying the new state flag.)
Another friend sent this--the MN state bird, the loon, fashioned into the Star Wars resistance emblem.
I was impressed with Big Boss. He decided to close
the thrift store–– AND to say why. This is not his usual way--he has always avoided involving the store in anything political. But signs on our door read,
Closed in Support of Our Neighbors.
I told him, "You did a good thing, boss".
Always love to use a movie quote when I can.
(Whoops--looked it up and it's, "Boss, you did a beautiful thing". Eh, close enough.)
Casablanca, you know? Above: Sasha, the Russian bartender, says it to Rick and kisses him, after
Rick lets a refugee win at roulette (so the refugee wife doesn't have
to sleep with Claude Rains in exchage for exit visas).II. But I didn't do nothing.
In the morning, I went with L & M to a multi-faith service at a major synagogue, Temple Israel.
It kicked up my acceptance that THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING, to see a pewful of politicians, including Senator Amy Klobuchar-–(she's running for governor, since Walz has withdrawn), and former mayor Rybak.
On the bima (platform) were around a hundred Jewish, Muslim, Christian clergy.
Many had come from other states.
After the service, I talked to a woman rabbi about her snow pants--I was wearing my bright lemon-green ones.
She said she was from California but is a skier.
She'd been skiing in Colorado when she got the call to come to this event, so she left her car and flew here--with her ski clothes.
The Rev. Mariann Budde, Episcopal bishop of Wash. DC, had come too. The crowd stood and applauded her for a couple minutes.
Meanwhile, other clergy had gone to the airport to join a protest against ICE flights transporting detainees to other states, like Texas. Dozens of the protestors were arrested, many of the clergy while singing on their knees in the freezing cold.
The audience at the multifaith service was mostly well-coiffed (extremely), and well-off.
Seeing all these politically and socially powerful people gathered, I accepted at a deeper level that it isn't just my poor old beleaguered workplace and its scrappy, tattered neighborhood that is under siege.
Yes, I knew that intellectually,
but it takes a while for radical change to soak in, all the way down.
Meanwhile, I had a reality check:
I'd been waiting for the week's Economist, thinking we would feature big.
Of course not.
The lead story is, rightfully, Horror in Iran.
ICE in Minnesota got a half-page article about the legal issues surrounding bringing federal agents to trial for murder.
We are just a blip of distress in a distressed world.
III.
Worst of all was finding out a couple days ago that a former coworker--the sweetest, hardest-working person imaginable-- has been hiding at home for a month with their family.
They have LEGAL papers to work here, but a lawyer told them it's not enough to stop ICE from deporting them.
The day we found out, I gathered donated personal-care supplies from the store--toothpaste, kotex, dish soap, etc.–– and some of us added some cash--to send along with their groceries (someone outside the store is delivering).
I know their kid likes Hello Kitty, so the Toys dept. dug up a couple of HK toys, and I put them in a gift bag.
I felt like I was sending a package to Anne Frank.
So, with that, I'm reeling.
IV. I just wrote to a dear friend who sends me smart political videos:"Thanks for thinking of me, to send me videos – – I should let you know that I'm not watching political videos.
They just upset me further, and I’m trying to limit that!
It’s so shocking, being under attack by one’s own government.
It’s not something foreseeable, unlike the Covid pandemic – – even a slight acquaintance with science or science-fiction let us know that was going to come someday (and will come again).
Or George Floyd's murder, which was for me, a white liberal, an eye-opening racist event, yes––an intensification; but I did already know racism was prevalent in my city.
But this?
No.
Even though before the presidential election we made references to a coming Civil War, in truth, no, I did not foresee being under attack by my own government, with federal troops wreaking havoc, sowing fear and economic disaster.
I imagine my workplace will muddle through, pleasegod, though sales are way, way down,
but we give the profits (slim but not nothing) to the church groups that then distribute them as rent and food helped to individuals – – I doubt we’ll have any of that…
So, please feel free to send me videos of funny animals!
I do appreciate ❤️your thoughtfulness and friendship!!!
___________________
Above: Sunrise God's eyes on the fence by work
V. Amid all that, I also got a most welcome message from the Universe:
Keep doing what you're doing.
I think I've said (many times?), I wrestle with the pull to DO MORE, Be Bigger, More Important.
While there is, of course, genuine Big, Important Work to be done,
for me that pull is a pull toward ego satisfaction--
a magnet to draw attention and praise to myself (the force that seems to be Trump's whole raison d'etre).
It feels icky, and I just don't believe it's my real calling.
In recent years, I've felt that I'm in the right place, under the radar, working at my crummy job I love.
But sometimes I can feel a stab of envy of my age-and-class cohort's worldly standing. It can be galling.
And the envy comes with a message:
You are doing it wrong.
(Possibly you have gotten this message yourself?)
To keep it short---about 20 years ago, a man did me a small kindness. It was a tiny thing, but he did it with such an open heart, so unthinkingly, with such grace, I was stunned, even in the moment, and I never forgot it.
It has remained near the top of my 'Humanity Is Not All Bad' list.
I see I'm trying to avoid saying what he did,
but I'll just say it:
At a fundraising dinner, I'd been working the door, and when I was done, the buffet was almost empty.
My pal introduced to to this man, who had a skewer of chicken satay on his plate, and I said,
"Oh you should give me your chicken".
And he did.
He just handed it over as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
I don't know how to convey how weird that was.
Usually a person would make a little joke or something, but his response was so entirely without ego, it made me realize that I never experience that, much less DO it myself.
I've never been face to face with him again--until yesterday.
I saw him in the pews at the faith service.
He's recognizable because he looks like a Charlie Brown character, grown up, in a bow tie.
Afterward I looked for him at the coffee-and-scones gathering, but I didn't see him. Resigned that he must have left, I was getting ready to leave myself, standing by the exit, when he came walking toward me.
I had stuffed a few God's eyes in my bag as I was leaving the house that morning, thinking I would give them away if I saw anyone I knew. (I did, too.)
So I got them out and went up to this man in great joy, reminded him of his kindness in giving me his chicken skewer (knowing it was so fleeting he wouldn't remember it or me, and indeed he didn't, though he was very sweet), and asked him if he'd like one.
"It's also on a stick!" I said.
He was so unguarded, just like I remembered. He said he was sure I'd thanked him sufficiently at the time, and he chose one of the sunrise eyes---which I've been making because a friend asked for one in hopeful sun colors.
And he gave me a hug.
And so, twenty years later, at the right time and place, I got to give thanks for a gift--and received another--a counter-message to Envy:
Keep doing what you are doing. The threads will come together.
