Content Note: suicide, exploded bullets
At coffee this morning, I was telling my writer friend Shek about my mother inheriting family money from a forced-labor tobacco farm (what used to be called a plantation).
[It's been on my mind--blogged about it a couple days ago]
"Getting that money led in part to her suicide," I said.
"How did she kill herself, if I may ask...?" he asked.
"She shot herself with a hollow-tip bullet," I said. "They spread open on impact and peel back like petals. The spent bullets look like flowers."
". . . I wonder if tobacco has flowers," he said.
I looked it up on the spot.
It does. Some kinds of Nicotiana are even ornamentals, like the white blossoms below.
They look like bullet flowers.
I was thinking of writing or making art about this. It could be a tarot card, like I was thinking about this morning---designing a symbol based on your real life.
This could illustrate karma.
But when I think about my mother's death for long, I start to feel heavy and slow, like I'm drugged. I probably won’t go any further than this.
But when I think about my mother's death for long, I start to feel heavy and slow, like I'm drugged. I probably won’t go any further than this.
Ten years ago I started an art project about my mother (her death, and life) —I painted a few good watercolors before I got swamped.
_______________________
I told Shek how I gave away the money I inherited from my mother.
"You're so good," he said.
"It wasn't good!" I said. "Money like that is a curse."
_______________________
I told Shek how I gave away the money I inherited from my mother.
"You're so good," he said.
"It wasn't good!" I said. "Money like that is a curse."
_________________________ 988 = Suicide and Crisis Lifeline in the United States.
Wikipedia has a list of Worldwide Suicide Crisis Lines:
Those bullet/tobacco flowers are insanely alike! That money—and the thought of that money—did your mother nothing but harm. Proud of you for getting rid of it…even if it feels like it wasn’t a choice, you know it could have been all too easy to justify keeping it.
ReplyDeleteAren’t the bullets weirdly fitting?!?
DeleteThanks—I feel lucky I could choose differently than my mother—she should have burned that damned money