Pencil (in Gym Class)

Lots of good things yesterday:
In gym class, another aide handed me a pencil he'd found--to add to my collection. When there's enough, I'm going to assemble them into a collage, with the students.
It was the best broken pencil yet:

I went to the administrator of the sp'ed program to ask about funds for education. She said there are none dedicated to aides' "p.d." (professional development), only for teachers', but that she believed she could dig around and find something...

"It's commendable that you want to learn more," she said. "And I see you in the hallways--you bring good energy to the school."

!! Good reminder I'm not invisible. I'd met this administrator once for 30 seconds, and I barely recognize her, but of course she knows me, the new face.
Anyway, it was nice change to get feedback, and especially good.

My coworkers, too, have said encouraging things to me. When I suggested a field trip to a laundromat, for instance, they said, "It's so great to have new ideas."
It's the fourth quarter of the year---I can see that everything's running pretty smoothly, but also, is everyone's energy a bit down?
A new person can be a boost.
_____________________

Allan, old friend from art college library, took me out for belated birthday dinner. I told him about looking into classes & funding, and he volunteered to pay for half ($382) of a class.

There might be cheaper options––I'll keep looking–– but this makes that route possible, even if I have to pay the other half.
Most of all, I appreciate his support.

I was talking about how nice it is to have a system in place--to see adults work together, trying to help growing humans. Some coworkers complain about various things, I said, but compared to the thrift store, it's plush.

Allan said, "If I could show you your face when you talk about your school compared to when you talk about the store, you'd see how much happier you are."

That made me a little sad, though.
I'd loved the thrift store so much, for years I'd have work there for free, if I could've afforded to.
(In fact, that would've been less frustrating, out from under the thumb of management.)

Happy as I am in this job--it's interesting, engaging, meaningful, sometimes fun–– I wouldn't work there for free.

Oh, speaking of pay, I met with a different admin about logging hours for federal funding. I don't know how this goes, but the special ed dept is funded in part by federal programs.
I asked the admin for more info--what federal department?--but they didn't know.
(I feel like I'm often asking for more information and understanding than the people around me...)

I have felt some small pangs of longing for the pleasure of unboxing and organizing thrift. I thought about volunteering at the thrift store.
I could.
But the very idea tastes sour.
I want to make friends and connect to community, and the store doesn't lead to that.

Also, I just want to try new things. Sorting toys and books IS fun, but godknows I've done it thoroughly.

Best of all, at work I'm connecting with the students in various ways.
Mostly I'm working on NOT pushing for connection--let them come to you. Kind of the opposite from the neuro-typical norm.
Also, people's pacing and timing is often different from what I'm used to--there's a longer lag time between input and response. Sometimes much longer.
So I'm practicing patience too--or, not patience, exactly, but learning to READ people differently. Silence doesn't mean no-response.

It's like I'm looking at a map upside down. It's totally realistic and valid, it's just not the way I'm used to it.
Like I said to my coworker about using the pronoun "they"---it's good to form new neural pathways.