Transition

I'm musing, trying to get clear on what I want from myself and my workplace--emotionally and physically--before I leave there.
(I applied for the special-ed teaching assistant job yesterday. I have no idea if they'll hire me, but I'll keep looking if they don't.)

I haven't left a job at a physical workplace in years and years. Or, not one I cared much about. (I wrote for the publisher on contract, at home.)
What do I need to do?

Are there any physical things I want?

Mmmmm... not really.
I've loved being around things. I am always curious to see what comes in. It's like it's always Christmas morning. "What's in that box?"
But I almost never want the things for myself.

Books?
Not really, either. I culled my own bookshelves and returned a bunch of books I don't want.

I think what I'll miss is the river of things and books. I enjoy watching it flow by and occasionally plucking something from it.

People?

Uh... Not really, again.
In six years, I have not made friends at work.
I have loved some of my coworkers, but our social worlds are separate. Mr Furniture, for instance, does not welcome "Europeans" (white people) in his house.

I've enjoyed chatting with some regular customers, but only in passing. The only one who asked me out for coffee was BJ, and she asked me as a romantic prospect, which I was not. But we were friends until she died two springs ago.

I would see a couple of the volunteers, socially, but I don't feel personally close to them. If I get a job in special ed, I'd definitely want to spend time with Abby, who specialized (MA in Ed) in that field.

The closest to a friend is Emmler Bemmler. I love her, but I don't want to be intimately in her life, with its major drama and trauma. And she says herself that she is a bad friend--doesn't keep in touch with people.
She and Ass't Man were friends separate from me, but they have not even talked since AM and I fell out.

However, I asked her if she'd take over my job, if I leave.
She said yes, "If BB will allow it." (She and he didn't get along, and then she quit being a cashier.)
Since the store doesn't advertise, I thought I should look around for my own replacement.
E's not a big reader, but she loves books--though maybe mostly to cut up for collage. 
If she worked at the store I'd volunteer, to help and visit here there.

When I first thought about leaving, I thought I'd for sure want to volunteer, but unless it were to see Em, I don't think I would. I don't want to give the store any more of my time. And I don't want to try to control BOOK's, once I'm gone. I can imagine whoever takes over will do it very differently (and quite possibly not the way I'd like).

Thinking about it, I feel free to go.