Nice Changes

I'm starting to feel excited and good about changing some things in my life. And as I go that way (toward change), I feel less overwhelmingly angry at the workplace culture dominated by BB. Though I do want to get away from the negativity at work, I feel calmer about it, less reactive, more trusting that I can explore new possibilities.

[Example of workplace culture: 

A  quality BB values most highly in a worker is obedience. To me, this is a slave mind-set, and I don't understand why he thinks it's good.

Since I work independently, I've often been free of his oversight, but his expectation of obedience is sticky, pervasive, and toxic.
Like Febreze!]

A nice thing I didn't expect:
having changed my diet a little a couple weeks ago, I notice that I feel a little better in myself. I'm taking in no red meat, a lot less dairy (still eat cheese, but drink all-oat milk in coffee), almost zero alcohol, and way fewer processed foods.

These are relatively small changes because I didn't eat a whole lot of those things, and I still eat lots of sugar––in my tea, for instance (but probably less because I'm not getting it in hidden forms).
I could have expected these little things would improve my mood, I guess, but I wasn't thinking about that. I was thinking about helping my internal organs. 

Focusing on the medical has been surprisingly helpful, so far. It has lessened the hard emotional responses that always arose when I changed how I ate.
Framing the changes as medical sets aside issues of body-presentation (looks), which have always been a painful tangle for me. It becomes easier to make changes because I’m not feeling deprived or judgemental.

"Cut way down on processed foods" is a big change at work, where there's a lot of free junk food. I wouldn't always eat these things, but sometimes I would, because they are often out in the break-room:
week-old donated donuts in puddles of glaze; powdered coffee creamer made w/ sodium aluminosilicate (sodium, aluminum, and silicon); cheap pepperoni pizza that oozes orange grease.

At first, I’d decided to drink no alcohol, but I chose to drink red wine this week, when I went out with Abby, who teaches special ed, to talk about working in that field as an assistant. I was anxious, and I wanted to join her in a drink. 
One glass was good, and I decided that's okay, once in a while. 

Abby was super encouraging about me working with teens in special-ed. "You're good with all types of people at the store," she said, "and we do get all types. And you create community too."

I was so very grateful to hear insights about my strengths, I realized again how undercut I am at work, in contrast. 
There's no guarantee how a new job will be, but I want to seek out more support in general.
A workplace or other social group that encourages people to say things nicely (even critical things) would be nice.

Meanwhile, I’m working on eating nice things that are helpful not harmful. Nice!